Bumbling

Notwithstanding my efforts to assist Gaynor I still seem to miss too many signs that my efforts often make things harder for her.

Fantastic

Gaynor did wonderfully well with back up support from Loredana and mother Emilia.

A couple of big days

Family Christmas lunch at our home with extended family too. Gaynor is cooking meats, etc. Today is getting things prepared. Tomorrow is the"happening". She has been pacing herself and wants to prove that she can do it. I'm trying to assist and not get too much in the way.

Struggling a bit.

Legs a bit painful and finding walking not easy. Expected with the change in chemo drugs. But Gaynor is "plodding" on. Our aircon ceased working in 43 degrees Celsius yesterday. That was a difficult time. Today it is working a bit, but repair person not able to come until next week - just before Christmas - if he can! Great! And more hot weather coming. It will not be easy.

A week from Christmas

Gaynor had chemo yesterday. Now halfway through the treatment. She is feeling OK today. That's good for both of us.

These days

Recent days are a more down than up. More tiredness and tiring more easily when out for a short time.

Some days are OK, some days are not so OK

And so the days pass, one by one, and the wondering about the future is no more clearer

Bit of a scare

Yesterday a check because of Gaynor's breathlessness led to a CT scan with a concern re blood clots in lungs. All OK. But there is a bit of unknown scaring at bottom of her lungs. Cause is unknown, but nothing to be concerned about. Now half way through chemo treatment.

Somewhat unthinking by me

Yesterday morning I came home after an appointment with the surgeon who did some 'work' on the top of my head last week. Pathology report is that it is a "rare" cancer and I have to return for further surgery soon. He both said things were OK and not so OK. So, I retuned to Gaynor not in the best of hearts and spilled out my concerns about me to her without thinking about her. Then it dawned on me that I had not considered her situation at all. I was bound up in my own concern that I had, well just, not thought. It was not at all helpful of me. I should have managed the telling, etc. a whole lot better. Now Gaynor is not only concerned about herself, but also me. And I have to shake myself up and realise the reality of our lives.
Went to gym early this morning and that helped refresh my mind.
Now to be more sensitive and so on for the rest of today.

Bit weary

The last week has proved a bit weary. Gaynor finds herself out of breath and needing to have a nap in the afternoon. It appears to be symptomatic of being halfway through chemo treatment.

3rd chemo yesterday

Margaret Annells  came to sit with Gaynor for a while during the chemo treatment. Margaret and Brian are most supportive friends. Brian took me down to Henley Square for a coffee and chat.

Two more steps

Friday 1 November, All Saints Day, was the celebration(?) of the 'formal' acknowledgment of the conclusion of my active ministry (aka retirement). The service was in the evening and there were 8 of us being acknowledged. Gaynor came with me for the special dinner and the service. She looked great in black pants, gorgeous sky blue top and her fantastic honey blond wig! Many folk spoke to us, acknowledging me, yes, but also Gaynor for her presence. Tomorrow, Monday, is the 3rd. of the chemotherapy treatments. A not so easy day, but with some great moments before it.

With Claudia at her school

Spent the morning with Claudia at her school, Gilles St. Adelaide, for grandparents day. We also shared with Claudia and her classmates something of our "distant" past. Then lunch at Morialta Uniting Church's 'luncheon' time. A big day, but really affirming for both of us.

Breast Cancer Day

Today is Breast Cancer Day in Australia. It has never been more real and close than it is today.

Day by day

One day at a time. Good moments. Slow and weary moments. So it goes.

More "airing" of wig

Church on Sunday morning followed by an extended family luncheon. Gaynor did really well and wig was a real plus in that some folk had no idea. Yesterday she was a bit tired. Now we leave for a funeral. It is windy and there are light showers. Another challenge.

Very affirming

Evening out proved very affirming. Retired ministers and partners made Gaynor feel really good about herself and her wig.

Feel good, look better

Gaynor attended a workshop this morning having to do with make-up, etc.
Tonight we go out for a dinner with retired colleagues. First formal outing wearing wig. But she is most positive.

Off to hairdresser's salon

Gaynor just left to walk to hairdresser's salon to arrange to have her hair removed. Emotional for both of us.

Second chemotherapy

Second chemotherapy session yesterday at Western Hospital. 4 hours. Staff are fantastic and Gaynor is really happy with them. This morning she is very tired. Not much hair left and she is wearing a cap all the time. Off to the hairdressers at end of week for removal of what is left and the adjusting of the wig.

The hug.

The greeting.

October 12

Lots of hair comes out this morning. Lots of tears. Need to go to hairdresser to have head shaved and wig fixed in place. Lots more tears. I'm crying too. Very emotional morning.

Tuesday 8/10

Good day yesterday. Went to Glenelg for a walk and fish lunch at Cardone's restaurant in Jetty Rd. Nick was pleased to see us and we him. A good day for Gaynor all round.

Today a bit flat. Hair starting to come out, hence the feeling a bit low. 

After the great afternoon

A really great afternoon with all our family yesterday. I was OK at the BBQ. It was a real support for Gaynor, talking to adults and having the grandchildren wanting to be with her and include her in all that they did. This morning she is a bit weary, but worth it she says.

A "strange" Sunday

Well, not really "strange", but a little so in that I went to church to help lead worship by myself. Gaynor and I have always 'gone' together, for over 42 years. It is just that getting up early to be at Morialta at 8.00am for the 8.15 service, then the 9.30 worship, and then fellowship after was just a bit much. Normally it is nearly 5 hours of work and sharing. So she took it easy in getting up and getting going. One day at a time, and each day may well be quite different from the one before.
This afternoon the family, with the 4 grandchildren, are coming for an early bbq tea. It is nearly a fortnight since we have been with them. We are very much looking forward to the time together.

One calendar month

Today makes one calendar month since GP phoned and asked Gaynor and I to urgently meet with her to discuss Gaynor's 'tests'. Then a couple of hours later with the surgeon, then oncologist - and we were off and running. It has been a really hectic month.

Wednesday

A bad night for sleeping last night. Gaynor very restless, up and down. Not much rest for either of us. The effects of the treatment are beginning to have an effect, coupled with her Addison's. Not a nice combination. Today is a big rest day for her.

One week on

Today is one week since Gaynor's chemotherapy, and today is the first day she has not felt well. She really did her best last week, especially in going to church on Sunday, to prove to herself and to others that she was managing. It seems that 'things' are catching up a little. But as she says, quoting another, "one day at a time".

Saturday

Gaynor greeted me wearing her wig when I returned from time at gym. She looked young and vibrant. I was a bit choked up.

Two very lovely girls

Early Friday

Gaynor feeling good this morning so we are off to Mark Byrne our chiro for some "work" then a small stroll in Jetty Rd Glenelg. Looking forward to the unfolding of the day.

Thursday

Gaynor feeling a bit off colour today. She is keeping a record of all that occurs to her. Two days since chemo.

Day after first chemo session

Gaynor feeling a bit tired and sore, but says she is OK. Good.

First Chemo

Just brought Gaynor home from hospital after her first chemotherapy treatment. Long and tiring. She is OK but very weary. My aunt just phoned reminding me to be strong and helpful. Oh yeah😇

Notes from today.

Went this morning and Gaynor chose a really great wig. Blonde, like her own hair, and in a style similar to her current cut. Looks really great and so hard to notice any difference.
Early afternoon admitted to Western Hospital for the implanting of port for chemotherapy tomorrow.
The seriousness"stuff" has begun.
Me? I'm slowly working with it. Tonight will be first night apart for nearly 38 years. (I think)

Support for the new adventure

Tomorrow I've got Siobhan to help me organise an afternoon tea for family and friends to offer support to Gaynor as she begins this new 'adventure' in her life. We travel with her in this breast cancer journey.

Restart

Took references to Gaynor and her breast cancer off blog because Gaynor was having a difficult time. Today she had a chance to speak with a lady who has gone through the process so we are feeling a little better.
As of now it is planned that Gaynor has port put in on Monday, over night stay in hospital and chemotherapy on Tuesday.
She is to speak to her hairdresser and has made contact re a wig.
She has booked in for a workshop at Western hospital "Looking better, feeling good" for breast cancer sufferers for mid October.
Having concluded an extra series of tests related to how things will balance with her Addison's Disease the process now, after further reflection by surgeon and oncologist, chemotherapy to 'shrink' cancer, then mastectomy. Whole process looking like being nearly 12 months.

Gaynor's favourite photo of herself and grandchildren on the occasion of her 65th. birthday

An Essay Toward Universal Revolution

Just downloaded this brief book by Drew Sumrall. Saw it commended by Tad De Lay whose comments and commendations I have always respected.
For example
" ... in an exploitative system of oppression, the poor and oppressed are not necessarily excluded outright, rather they are forced to be included in the system that exploits them. In order for exploitation to exist, what is required is the participation of many so that the powers can exploit as many as possible - the consequence of mass participation is mass exploitation, and thus income inequality - i.e. the establishment of an Establishment establishes the forsakenness of the forsaken: both outside and in.

From Ross Gittins re recent election.
Gladwell explains our attitudes towards race and gender operate on two levels. We have conscious attitudes, things we choose to believe, which we use to direct our behaviour consciously. But the test measures our unconscious attitudes, "the immediate, automatic associations that tumble out before we've even had time to think". Such unconscious attitudes affect our behaviour without us realising it.

I believe something similar operates in our unconscious attitudes towards the two main political parties. We see the Liberals - the party of the bosses - as the party best suited to run the country.

Sometimes enough of us feel sufficiently rebellious to install Labor - the party of the workers - but this leaves many of us uncomfortable and yearning for the return of the masters. And when, sooner or later, it becomes clear Labor isn't doing well, no one is terribly surprised and we rush back to the security of our pater familias.

You don't understand anything about the underlying forces of Australian politics until you understand that.

A re-discovered gap?

From "Monthly Review"

The most recent dramatic development along these lines is the rediscovery of: (1) the conflict between labor and capital (underlying and shaping the accumulation process and giving it its class bias), and (2) the growth of monopoly power. Thus in attempting to understand why the U.S. economy “is still by most measures, deeply depressed” while “corporate profits are at a record high,” Paul Krugman has recently argued, most notably in a December 9, 2012 New York Times column entitled “Robots and Robber Barons,” that this might have to do with these two factors.

Over and over again Krugman has indicated surprise at where his analysis is leading him. “Are we really,” he writes, “back to talking about capital versus labor? Isn’t that an old-fashioned, almost Marxist sort of discussion, out of date in our modern information economy? Well, that’s what many people thought; for the past generation discussions of inequality [within orthodox economics] have focused overwhelmingly not on capital versus labor but on distributional issues between workers…. But that may be yesterday’s story.” In a related blog entry on December 11, entitled “Human Versus Physical Capital,” he wrote: “If you want to understand what’s happening to income distribution in the 21st century economy, you need to stop talking so much about skills, and start talking much more about profits and who owns the capital. Mea culpa: I myself didn’t grasp this until recently. But it’s really crucial.”

Krugman is concerned in particular with the issue of the dramatic drop in the labor share of GDP. He attributes this in part to a labor-saving bias in technology, which he refers to somewhat metaphorically as the rise of “robots.” Reaching back into the past he observes in “Robots or Robber Barons” that “serious economists have been aware of this possibility for almost two centuries. The early-19th-century economist David Ricardo,” he tells us, pointed to just such a tendency in his 1817 Principles of Political Economy and Taxation, which “included a chapter on how the new, capital-intensive technologies of the Industrial Revolution could actually make workers worse off, at least for a while.” Krugman, however, stops short of referring to that other “serious economist” who famously expanded upon Ricardo’s thesis: Karl Marx. Still, Krugman recognizes the significance of his own recent awakening in this respect: “I think it’s fair to say that the shift of income from labor to capital has not yet made it into our national discourse. Yet that shift is happening—and it has major implications” (“Robots and Robber Barons”). Moreover, he is alert to the dangers this spells for the system. “If income inequality continues to soar,” he writes, we are looking at a “class-warfare future” (Krugman, “Is Growth Over?” New York Times, December 27, 2012).

from the New Materialism...

“Should it be any surprise, after all, how easily aligned the Religious Right has become with a laissez-faire economic policy?... The neotraditionalist values-voter must surely recognize at least the tension, if not outright opposition, when their professed values run up against the relativization of all values that is the inevitable outcome of capitalism’s making of money as the measure of all things... The same company that made stars of the likes of Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity run weekly parodies of their small-minded, loud-mouthed ways in the form of ‘Family Guy.’ In other words, it is not ideology that drives Fox News but crass capitalism. Whether selling smut or decrying it, the bottom line is the only value that maters. It is in this sense that we are speaking of the cynicism that passes for ethics today.”

- Crockett & Robbins, “Religion, Politics, & the Earth: The New Materialism”